Mike Huckabee: A Dangerous Candidate

Toobie with Mike Huckabee answering a question about his belief in creation from the recent debate:

I found this Toobie at first surprisingly good, then questionable and finally distressing. Let me break it down for you.

At first Huckleberry–I mean Huckabee–says something I think I would agree with: This is the wrong place for this kind of question. I am not creating a curriculum, etc. If he had stopped there I think it would have been a plus.

But he couldn’t.

As a former Southern Baptist preacher Huckleberry had to share his faith. After all, if you are ashamed of God Jesus before men, God Jesus will be ashamed of you before Jesus God. (I always have trouble with that—we will all appear before the Judgment Seat of Christ. Or God will judge? Maybe God is saving the seat for Jesus?)

(Just kidding G-Dawg. Remember, I’m just dust. Just a little dusty. I’m not perfect, just forgiven.)

Huckleberry quotes Genesis 1:1. “In the Big Inning, Casey was up to bat…”

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. To me, it’s pretty simple. A person either believes that God created this process or believes that it was an accident and that it just happened all on its own.

Ok Hucky baby, stop there. You’ve proven you believe in God, you quoted scripture and you didn’t sound too much like a preacher. Stop there and you might get out of this without needing a transfusion.

Well, let me be very clear: I believe there is a God. I believe there’s a God who was active in the creation process.

Now, how did he do it and when did he do it and how long did he take, I don’t honestly know. And I don’t think knowing that would make me a better or a worse president.

But I’ll tell you what I can tell this country: If they want a president who doesn’t believe in God, there’s probably plenty of choices. But if I’m selected as president of this country, they’ll have one who believes in those words that God did create.

OK, now he’s done it. He’s gone all evangelical indignation. This bitch is ON.

And as the words of Martin Luther, here I stand. I can do no other. And I will not take that back.

I knew Luther. You, sir, are no Luther.

But I believe, whether God did it in six days or whether he did it in six days that represented periods of time, he did it. And that’s what’s important.

The poo just hit the cooling unit. Hucky baby you can’t tell people you don’t know enough about your imaginary friend to know HOW he did it, but you know it was one of two ways.

Quick, pull down your dress, your fundy is showing.

But, you know, if anybody wants to believe that they are the descendants of a primate, they are certainly welcome to do it. I don’t know how far they will march that back.

Actually I believe we are all descended from Charles Darwin. Except for people from Arkansas—they’re descended from a beer drinking, inbred, racist, fundamentalist redneck primates.

But I believe that all of us in this room are the unique creations of a god who knows us and loves us, and who created us for his own purpose.

Oh boy Hucklebee, you let the cat out of the bag. Sure you’re maybe not a Young Earth Creationist, but you believe God has called you to be President. That He has a divine need for you to do something great.

Ugh.

Realize two things about Huckleberry: He is on a mission from God. Kinda like the Blues Brothers without the soundtrack. Being on a mission from God gives he absolute assurance in his decisions. If he gets elected he’s going to do whatever he wants to do with absolute moral certainty. He’ll invade a country. Create chaos.

Those who don’t remember the present are doomed to repeat it.