Living with a Narcissist: Understanding the Narcissist’s Cause

Elise posted an interesting article about narcissism over at her place and I commented that I have noted three characteristics seemingly common to narcissists:

1. They have a need to inappropriately control people and things around them.
2. They have extreme sexual appetites.
3. They have a Cause.

She asked me to explain more about the third.

Narcissism is all about a poor sense of self worth. Feeling unlovable and unloved, narcissists tend to try to control people and situations around them to either become the perfect, lovable person or to avoid the rejection of others.

One way narcissists attempt to attain that perfect, lovable position is through the pursuit of a cause. Virtually every narcissist has a Cause—something that he (or sometimes she) pursues to prove they are worthy of love.

When we think of a “cause” we often turn our minds to noble pursuits: Feeding the poor, curing cancer, creating a college education fund for the underprivileged. Some narcissists pursue these types of things.

But that is just one expression of The Cause.

Other ways narcissists express The Cause can be private: becoming the perfect (or most prolific) lover, raising the perfect family, becoming a great artist. A narcissist can focus on self-improvement as well—becoming a body-builder, a millionaire, a spiritual guru.

Being the greatest serial killer of all time has been a pursuit of several infamous narcissists.

Some narcissists pursue The Cause that will gain them positive attention and notoriety—possibly even fame: A minister, a politician, an actor, a community leader, a military leader.

For the narcissist The Cause is what gives him purpose. Deep inside he believes if he can just achieve The Cause he will be worthy of love and admiration. Anyone who stands in the way of The Cause or attempts to “help” as an equal in achieving the Cause is seen as a threat.

If The Cause is to have meaning its achievement must not be shared with anyone.

Narcissists need to believe they will someday not be worthless. Though they may have a long record of successes, they see themselves as still unworthy of love and needing to attain that new horizon in order to finally deserve and get the love and adoration from others they crave.

They fail to see their own inner shame is what causes them to be unable to see their own worth and receive the love and attention others give them. No matter how lofty the goal, it will never create the sense of love they need.




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If you liked this article, you will also enjoy:

• Called by God: How to Prevent Narcissists from Entering Ministry
• Called by God to Ministry: Narcissists have a Profound Sense of Call
• Should Pastors Have to Pass Psych Screenings?
• Your Pastor is a Controlling Idiot

Art: Christian Bale from American Psycho - an interesting view of narcissism.

He Just Had a Bad Habit

What’s sexier than a flying nun? How ’bout a guy wearing nothing but the hat?

It seems this guy in San Fransisco tried to pick up three underage girls outside Our Lady of the Rosary Catholic church wearing nothing but a nun’s habit on his head.

Wisely the girls ran back into the church rather than taking his offer of a ride in his car.

Everybody knows the girls are safe in the Catholic church–it’s the boys who have to worry.

Art: Weirdspot.com




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If you liked this article, you will also enjoy (CAUTION - NSFW):

• God Did What?
• What’s Underneath that Burqa
• Do You See Jesus?

D. James Kennedy Quotes

Rob Boston compiled a list of D. James Kennedy quotes here.

Are TV preacher D. James Kennedy’s views extreme? Judge for yourself. Here is a sampling of opinions taken from his 1994 book, Character & Destiny: A Nation In Search of Its Soul (written with Jim Nelson Black):

The Culture War

“Christians did not start the culture war but…we are going to end it. That is a fact, and the Bible assures us of victory.” (p. 76)

Deliberately Deceitful Educators

“Not all the educators in our public schools and universities are deliberately deceitful, not all of them want to destroy this nation, but many do. The major teachers’ unions certainly do.” (p. 75)

The United States: A Christian Nation

“But the fact is, the United States of America was conceived and brought forth by Christians, and history tells us that story in no uncertain terms….Anyone who reads about the values upon which this nation was founded understands perfectly well that this was, from the start, a Christian nation.” (p. 71)

Ten Thousand Communist Professors

“Just a few years ago, there were as many as ten thousand Communist professors in American universities. The average person never saw any of them, and many would doubt the truth of that statistic. But I can assure you it is true.” (p. 63)

Secular Sinners

“Modern secularists and agnostics do not want to admit that the Christian religion is true, because that would mean that they are sinners; and they have no intention of giving up their right to sin.” (p. 46)

Public School Immorality

“Teachers in many of our public schools have acceded to the policies of the liberal teachers’ unions to make sure that students from kindergarten through high school will be stripped of any sense of moral or ethical absolutes. Right and wrong are non-issues in our public schools.” (p.260)

Evolution: Into The Slime

“Every new advance and every step taken by science confirm not evolution but the Genesis account of creation. Yet evolution still continues to be taught as fact….Thus, the honorable place that had been given to human beings by God is surreptitiously aborted, and they are dragged down into the slime.” (p. 17

Dismantling The Wall Of Separation

“If we are committed and involved in taking back the nation for Christian moral values, and if we are willing to risk the scorn of the secular media and the bureaucracy that stand against us, there is no doubt we can witness the dismantling of not just the Berlin Wall but the even more diabolical ‘wall of separation’ that has led to increasing secularization, godlessness, immorality, and corruption in our country.” (p. 126-127)

Engaging The Enemy

“God forbid that we who were born into the blessings of a Christian America should let our patrimony slip like sand through our fingers and leave to our children the bleached bones of a godless secular society. But whatever the outcome, one thing is certain: God has called us to engage the enemy in this culture war. That is our challenge today.” (p. 91)

No Power On Earth Can Stop Us

“This is our land. This is our world. This is our heritage, and with God’s help, we shall reclaim this nation for Jesus Christ. And no power on earth can stop us.” (p. 85)

Reclaiming America For Christ

“How much more forcefully can I say it? The time has come, and it is long overdue, when Christians and conservatives and all men and women who believe in the birthright of freedom must rise up and reclaim America for Jesus Christ.” (p. 80)

Mary Winkler Wants Her Kids Back

Mary Winkler, who was released from a mental health facility where she had been detained for 67 days ending August 14, is asking the court to grant her custody of her children.

She is also petitioning the State of Tennessee to give her back her boogie shoes.

God Recalls D. James Kennedy

In a stunning move, God announced today a recall of D. James Kennedy. This comes just 4 months after a similar recall of activist mega church pastor Jerry Falwell.

In a press release today, God simply stated his engineers found some problems while doing some routine testing of Kennedy and decided to play it safe with a recall, giving no real details.

A source close to God who wishes to remain anonymous raised questions about how long God knew about the problems with both of these models and whether the recall should have happened decades ago.

“Look we have had memos since the early 70’s about problems with not only these two but several other so-called super pastor models. There is no way God couldn’t have known. After all, they were misquoting, building their own little kingdoms, unable or unwilling to see the obvious contradictions in their faith, abusing people under their care—these models are all dangerous and need to recalled. If the public knew how unholy these models are there would be hell to pay.”

Ohio congressman Paul Gillmor was slated to head up an investigation of the recalls, but was found mysteriously dead in his apartment this morning. While Gabriel, God’s press secretary, denies any connection, the coincidence has many suspicious.

Said Gabriel, “The recall was voluntary and it was God’s idea. He didn’t have to recall either of these units, and the threat was minimal, but He wanted to keep all of you safe.”

When asked about claims that God knew back in the 70’s these models were likely to malfunction, Gabriel refused to answer “That’s what the investigation is for—to present the truth from a neutral committee. All the answers will come out.”

No chairman for the investigative committee has yet been announced to replace Gillmor.