Islam is ICKY. Meet Tom and Bill, Warriors for Christ

Over at the Sanctification blog I met Tom and Bill.

Tom and Bill are a couple of God’s warriors who know all about evil Islam and how all the little brown skinned Muslims just need to give up their religion of hate and intolerance and adopt their Christian religion. After all, Christianity doesn’t teach violence, intolerance or hate.

Yeah Jesus!

Anyway, I took time to comment on one of the posts and immediately my commitment to Christ was challenged. Luckily I am so full of the Holy Spirit I went immediately into a trance and God gave me this inspired response. Enjoy:

Bill:

Where does your version of Christianity come from?

I’m still using ChristOS 98. I know, I know, but I haven’t had time to do the upgrade and now I hear ChristVista is full of bugs so I’m going to wait until they work out the kinks to get the upgrade.

Are you running ChristVista? Or are you still running ChristXP?

Have you ever read anything Jesus said?

No, I can’t read, but Jesus comes to me every night and teaches me by candlelight everything I need to know. Just like Lincoln.

Wanna hear some of my favorite verses?

Here is a selection from Matthew 23

3Dnot do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them….

10Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. 11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

13″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to….

15″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are….

23″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

Really, I like the whole chapter. You see, I know I’m evil. Your problem is you don’t know how truly evil you are. You demonstrate by your very questions that you have no clue how evil you are.

Embrace your inner evil. Only then will you be able to be set free.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (Matthew 5:21-22). Also, if you don’t love your brother, the Bible says you abide in death, and you’re a child of the devil (1 John 3:10, 3:14).

I never called you guys fools. I called you idiots. By definition an idiot is a person of inferior intelligence. That’s you guys. I could have called your ignoramuses and been accurate.

But fools you are.

I tell you this because I love you enough to tell you the truth. Who is a fool Biblically? Let’s see, just from Proverbs 1:

“fools despise wisdom and discipline.” – Pro 1:7

You see, when you start making pronouncements about Islam without even knowing the basics, you show yourself as a fool. But there’s more…

“For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them” – Prov 1:32

OK, I know you guys don’t have a good edumacation, so I need to define the big word up there. “Complacency” is when you are satisfied with your level of ignorance.

That’s where you are: Don’t try to learn anything about Islam or even the Bible, just perpetuate the ignorance you have been taught.

I do find it interesting your response to me is to claim I am going to the realm of toasty warmth because I don’t love you. And I’ll bet the irony of that is completely lost on you.

Are you born again?

I am bored again.

Tell me, oh wise ones, what is the evidence of “rebirth”? I understand what J to the C was telling to Nick, but I don’t think you have a clue. What is it that makes one born again, do you know?

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:04 pm Said:

You have referred to yourself as a follower of Christ. Please share with us your Christian background. What denomination do you belong to? Do you attend church each week?

I don’t go to church, I am the church.

But before I go on, what does my spiritual orientation have to do with truth? Otherwise, if you are wrong and I point it out and I meet all your Christian check list points, then you’ll know you’re wrong? Or are you looking for a reason to dismiss truth by deciding I can’t be right because I am not the right kind of Christian?

How do you believe a person gets to Heaven? Do you think Jesus is the only way to Heaven?

I’ll answer you the way Jesus answered those who wished to condemn him: Ted Haggard: Was he sent from God or man?

I don’t mean to be rude but I am having my doubts about your understanding of the Christ you claim to follow.

That is extremely rude and pretty much off topic. And you did mean to be rude. That’s OK, I have noticed Christians lose their manners pretty quickly when someone disagrees.

Again, what does truth have to do with my understanding of Christ? If the things I am saying are true, then they are true.

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:11 pm Said:

Bill,

I appreciate you stepping in and making this a tag team match instead of a 2 on 1 handicap match. Keep up the good fight.

Count it all as persecution when people point out your stupidity. The good news is that I will post this at my blog so you will get lots of traffic. Sure, it will be point and laugh traffic, but again think of the rewards.

D. James Kennedy Quotes

Rob Boston compiled a list of D. James Kennedy quotes here.

Are TV preacher D. James Kennedy’s views extreme? Judge for yourself. Here is a sampling of opinions taken from his 1994 book, Character & Destiny: A Nation In Search of Its Soul (written with Jim Nelson Black):

The Culture War

“Christians did not start the culture war but…we are going to end it. That is a fact, and the Bible assures us of victory.” (p. 76)

Deliberately Deceitful Educators

“Not all the educators in our public schools and universities are deliberately deceitful, not all of them want to destroy this nation, but many do. The major teachers’ unions certainly do.” (p. 75)

The United States: A Christian Nation

“But the fact is, the United States of America was conceived and brought forth by Christians, and history tells us that story in no uncertain terms….Anyone who reads about the values upon which this nation was founded understands perfectly well that this was, from the start, a Christian nation.” (p. 71)

Ten Thousand Communist Professors

“Just a few years ago, there were as many as ten thousand Communist professors in American universities. The average person never saw any of them, and many would doubt the truth of that statistic. But I can assure you it is true.” (p. 63)

Secular Sinners

“Modern secularists and agnostics do not want to admit that the Christian religion is true, because that would mean that they are sinners; and they have no intention of giving up their right to sin.” (p. 46)

Public School Immorality

“Teachers in many of our public schools have acceded to the policies of the liberal teachers’ unions to make sure that students from kindergarten through high school will be stripped of any sense of moral or ethical absolutes. Right and wrong are non-issues in our public schools.” (p.260)

Evolution: Into The Slime

“Every new advance and every step taken by science confirm not evolution but the Genesis account of creation. Yet evolution still continues to be taught as fact….Thus, the honorable place that had been given to human beings by God is surreptitiously aborted, and they are dragged down into the slime.” (p. 17

Dismantling The Wall Of Separation

“If we are committed and involved in taking back the nation for Christian moral values, and if we are willing to risk the scorn of the secular media and the bureaucracy that stand against us, there is no doubt we can witness the dismantling of not just the Berlin Wall but the even more diabolical ‘wall of separation’ that has led to increasing secularization, godlessness, immorality, and corruption in our country.” (p. 126-127)

Engaging The Enemy

“God forbid that we who were born into the blessings of a Christian America should let our patrimony slip like sand through our fingers and leave to our children the bleached bones of a godless secular society. But whatever the outcome, one thing is certain: God has called us to engage the enemy in this culture war. That is our challenge today.” (p. 91)

No Power On Earth Can Stop Us

“This is our land. This is our world. This is our heritage, and with God’s help, we shall reclaim this nation for Jesus Christ. And no power on earth can stop us.” (p. 85)

Reclaiming America For Christ

“How much more forcefully can I say it? The time has come, and it is long overdue, when Christians and conservatives and all men and women who believe in the birthright of freedom must rise up and reclaim America for Jesus Christ.” (p. 80)

Mary Winkler Wants Her Kids Back

Mary Winkler, who was released from a mental health facility where she had been detained for 67 days ending August 14, is asking the court to grant her custody of her children.

She is also petitioning the State of Tennessee to give her back her boogie shoes.

God Recalls D. James Kennedy

In a stunning move, God announced today a recall of D. James Kennedy. This comes just 4 months after a similar recall of activist mega church pastor Jerry Falwell.

In a press release today, God simply stated his engineers found some problems while doing some routine testing of Kennedy and decided to play it safe with a recall, giving no real details.

A source close to God who wishes to remain anonymous raised questions about how long God knew about the problems with both of these models and whether the recall should have happened decades ago.

“Look we have had memos since the early 70’s about problems with not only these two but several other so-called super pastor models. There is no way God couldn’t have known. After all, they were misquoting, building their own little kingdoms, unable or unwilling to see the obvious contradictions in their faith, abusing people under their care—these models are all dangerous and need to recalled. If the public knew how unholy these models are there would be hell to pay.”

Ohio congressman Paul Gillmor was slated to head up an investigation of the recalls, but was found mysteriously dead in his apartment this morning. While Gabriel, God’s press secretary, denies any connection, the coincidence has many suspicious.

Said Gabriel, “The recall was voluntary and it was God’s idea. He didn’t have to recall either of these units, and the threat was minimal, but He wanted to keep all of you safe.”

When asked about claims that God knew back in the 70’s these models were likely to malfunction, Gabriel refused to answer “That’s what the investigation is for—to present the truth from a neutral committee. All the answers will come out.”

No chairman for the investigative committee has yet been announced to replace Gillmor.

Touch Not the Lord’s Anointed

Ministry Today Just Doesn’t Get It. The article is very short so I put it here in total, my comments are inserted.

[Bolding Wisely Placed By Yours Truly]

The War on Error
By David Cannistraci

Are online heresy hunters bringing needed correction in the church or sowing disunity?

Davy-poo, Thanks for recognizing I’m a heresy hunter. Heck, I’ve got a black T-Shirt I wear with my black commando pants tucked neatly into assault boots when I go to a church. The law says I cannot physically enter a church building without proper identification.

I exist to both correct the church and sow disunity. Paul did too. He put it this way: “No doubt there must be divisions among you to show who has God’s approval.” I can prove I have God’s approval—just look at the award on the right hand margin. That’s it baby. God comes to me in visions and tells me who is approved and who isn’t.

Division comes when idiots in leadership positions in churches and para-church organizations care only for themselves and not for the mindless horde hanging themselves on every word. [By the way, para-church organizations are those groups that meet in C130’s then end the service with a mass sky dive. Courageous or stupid, you be the judge.]

Infidels beware: A new generation of crusaders is on the march, ignoring history’s warnings about the damage unrestrained spiritual zeal creates. Their mission? To protect us all from religious fraud and dangerous doctrines by investigating and exposing those who push past the accepted boundaries of conservative evangelicalism. They have pledged themselves to defend truth and liberate the kingdom of God from the threat of apostasy.

Well, I don’t like conservative evangelicalism either, but I get your drift. Why is this a problem? Seriously. Think it through. Accountability for people who carry the spiritual lives and psyche of millions of people is a GOOD thing.

From discernment ministries to watchdog groups to bloggers to anonymous Web site commenters, the Internet has created a breeding ground for unbridled criticism. Though truth and correction are essential to the health of the church, this new wave of heresy hunters may be taking things too far. Their targets are not the likes of David Koresh or Jim Jones—we would thank them for that. Instead, they’re aiming at many of today’s most popular charismatic Bible teachers, including Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen and T.D. Jakes.

This is interesting to me. Somehow in your mind, Davy, there is a difference between the likes of Koresh and T.D. Jakes. But there isn’t. At least, not Biblically.

See if you can read for comprehension:

The Bibble teaches we are ALL completely evil. According to the Bibble there is only one who is good (though I think the “I’m #1” tee Jesus is always wearing because he says it’s “retro” is a little much, don’t you think?)

Koresh or Jakes or Cannistraci or even Lil Ol’ Whore Church are evil.

Koresh was driven by his own narcissism to believe he had a special place in God’s Kingdom which eventually made him beyond correction leading to a Waco Bar-B-Q.

Jakes ego hasn’t taken him quite that far, but it’s taken him quite a ways. Evidence? Try this:

If that’s not saying “I am an expert on everything, even weight loss” then I don’t know what is. Jakes is like most any narcissist: He did something once and felt he could write a book on it.

[Just in case you don’t know Davy, he gained the weight back. But he didn’t write a book about that or why his God didn’t have the power to keep Mayor McCheese away from Jakes puffy paws.]

There is no one who does good, not even one. Trust me.

These zealous soldiers of orthodoxy aren’t afraid to fight dirty, either. Armed with ample evidence to prove their case, they quote, deride and scoff at any ministry they “discern” as dangerous. In this biblical blitzkrieg, no question is too trivial, no accusation too personal and no ridicule too cruel.

OK, so if we have “ample evidence” as you say, then we don’t need to discern much of anything. If it walks like a duck…you get the picture.

But your last sentence is where you lose it Davy-Doodles. You don’t understand. The internet is a BIG PLACE. Remember that illustration about hundreds of monkeys, typing away at hundreds of typewriters? Yeah, that’s the internet.

The vast majority of blog monkeys are boring and no one reads what they say. Then there’s people like me who say it with such style, such finesse, such—dare I day it?—perfection, we become the bastion of a new theology.

Fragile narcissistic egos are hyper sensitive to every criticism. That’s a part of their mental defect. They can’t weigh whether they are being criticized by lesser bloggers or the superior insights of yours truly.

As you noted, God has called me to a special place, hunting heresy and defending The Church from the ego driven so called “super”-pastors. A mission, though difficult and often fraught with dangerous peril, I am willing to humbly endure for the sake of Christ.

From:
http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=15788