Flying Spaghetti Monster Hypocrisy

Hilarious comic (click pic to view the entire 4 panel comic):

Found here.

Can Christians Be Both Stupid and Saved?

If you aren’t a Christian, this post isn’t for you. Sure, it will give you lots of fodder to use in any anti-Christian rhetoric you choose to engage in, but that isn’t why I am writing it.

Recently I was reading one of the WordPress top posts when I came across this one written by Darryl Sloan.

I wanted to lift this little gem and comment on it:

You could say that people belong in one of two categories: they either believe in God, or they don’t. But let me add a third category: those who say they believe in God, but get uncomfortable or embarrassed at the mention of anything remotely supernatural. These people require the Flood to be rendered as a myth or explained by meteorological means. Likewise with the fire that rained from the sky on Sodom and Gomorrah. To them the idea of demons as actual beings is preposterous. This third category is a wishy-washy form of Christianity that probably comes about as a result of pressure from the intellectual atheist majority, and as a vain attempt at keeping some degree of credibility in their eyes. The thing is, if a person believes in God, it is perfectly logical to grant God permission to bend or break the laws of the universe that he set in motion.

(By the way, someone tell Darryl when you are writing for the web you need to use short, choppy paragraphs people can easily read on a computer screen.)

Darryl to your three categories let me add a fourth: People who call themselves Bible believing Christians yet engage in willful ignorance and poor thinking.

It’s relatively easy to simply say “I believe the Bible” without taking into any serious consideration the hundreds of problems with literalism. And I’m not simply talking about the age of the earth or the universal flood.

The reason I gave up on inerrant literalism was not due to a need to be loved and accepted by the atheists (though surprisingly I am.) My reason was much more straightforward: In order to teach inerrant literalism one must lie.

Any neutral observer can see the obvious contradictions in the Bible. That does NOT make the Bible unreliable, but it does make it fallible. To not see this is either a result of willful avoidance, delusion or neglect.

So which is it for you Darryl? Are you avoiding the obvious contradictions in scripture? Or are you delusional (possibly as the result of demon possession)? Or are you simply neglecting personal study?

Islam is ICKY. Meet Tom and Bill, Warriors for Christ

Over at the Sanctification blog I met Tom and Bill.

Tom and Bill are a couple of God’s warriors who know all about evil Islam and how all the little brown skinned Muslims just need to give up their religion of hate and intolerance and adopt their Christian religion. After all, Christianity doesn’t teach violence, intolerance or hate.

Yeah Jesus!

Anyway, I took time to comment on one of the posts and immediately my commitment to Christ was challenged. Luckily I am so full of the Holy Spirit I went immediately into a trance and God gave me this inspired response. Enjoy:

Bill:

Where does your version of Christianity come from?

I’m still using ChristOS 98. I know, I know, but I haven’t had time to do the upgrade and now I hear ChristVista is full of bugs so I’m going to wait until they work out the kinks to get the upgrade.

Are you running ChristVista? Or are you still running ChristXP?

Have you ever read anything Jesus said?

No, I can’t read, but Jesus comes to me every night and teaches me by candlelight everything I need to know. Just like Lincoln.

Wanna hear some of my favorite verses?

Here is a selection from Matthew 23

3Dnot do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them….

10Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. 11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

13″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to….

15″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are….

23″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

Really, I like the whole chapter. You see, I know I’m evil. Your problem is you don’t know how truly evil you are. You demonstrate by your very questions that you have no clue how evil you are.

Embrace your inner evil. Only then will you be able to be set free.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (Matthew 5:21-22). Also, if you don’t love your brother, the Bible says you abide in death, and you’re a child of the devil (1 John 3:10, 3:14).

I never called you guys fools. I called you idiots. By definition an idiot is a person of inferior intelligence. That’s you guys. I could have called your ignoramuses and been accurate.

But fools you are.

I tell you this because I love you enough to tell you the truth. Who is a fool Biblically? Let’s see, just from Proverbs 1:

“fools despise wisdom and discipline.” – Pro 1:7

You see, when you start making pronouncements about Islam without even knowing the basics, you show yourself as a fool. But there’s more…

“For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them” – Prov 1:32

OK, I know you guys don’t have a good edumacation, so I need to define the big word up there. “Complacency” is when you are satisfied with your level of ignorance.

That’s where you are: Don’t try to learn anything about Islam or even the Bible, just perpetuate the ignorance you have been taught.

I do find it interesting your response to me is to claim I am going to the realm of toasty warmth because I don’t love you. And I’ll bet the irony of that is completely lost on you.

Are you born again?

I am bored again.

Tell me, oh wise ones, what is the evidence of “rebirth”? I understand what J to the C was telling to Nick, but I don’t think you have a clue. What is it that makes one born again, do you know?

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:04 pm Said:

You have referred to yourself as a follower of Christ. Please share with us your Christian background. What denomination do you belong to? Do you attend church each week?

I don’t go to church, I am the church.

But before I go on, what does my spiritual orientation have to do with truth? Otherwise, if you are wrong and I point it out and I meet all your Christian check list points, then you’ll know you’re wrong? Or are you looking for a reason to dismiss truth by deciding I can’t be right because I am not the right kind of Christian?

How do you believe a person gets to Heaven? Do you think Jesus is the only way to Heaven?

I’ll answer you the way Jesus answered those who wished to condemn him: Ted Haggard: Was he sent from God or man?

I don’t mean to be rude but I am having my doubts about your understanding of the Christ you claim to follow.

That is extremely rude and pretty much off topic. And you did mean to be rude. That’s OK, I have noticed Christians lose their manners pretty quickly when someone disagrees.

Again, what does truth have to do with my understanding of Christ? If the things I am saying are true, then they are true.

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:11 pm Said:

Bill,

I appreciate you stepping in and making this a tag team match instead of a 2 on 1 handicap match. Keep up the good fight.

Count it all as persecution when people point out your stupidity. The good news is that I will post this at my blog so you will get lots of traffic. Sure, it will be point and laugh traffic, but again think of the rewards.

The Noah’s Ark Challenge

Young earth creationists and all Biblical literalists (yes I’m looking at you Alabama) take the Noah’s ark story to be literal history.

Noah built an ark, placed the animals on the ark, rode the waves for a year and emerged unscathed and ready for heavenly humping.

Over at The Big Picture blog, Jeff makes a challenge to these fundamentalists: Do it. Since we are told the dimensions of the ark, how long it was at sea, etc. go ahead and get a group of 8 hardy souls to duplicate the effort.

Good idea. But here’s the problem: If the folks at fundy groups like Answers in Genesis actually did the experiment and failed, it wouldn’t change their belief at all. They would say the reason they failed while Noah succeeded was simple:

God did it.

And that’s the problem.

Happy New Year, 5768

Rosh Pajamas.

At least, that’s what my boys called the Jewish spiritual New Year—Rosh Hashanah was too hard for them to remember.

Last night at sundown, the first of Tishri, the spiritual New Year began. When our kids were small we literally had “Rosh Pajamas” as we stayed up all night in our new jammies, playing games, laughing and seeing who would be the first to nod off.

But the boys are grown now and staying up all night is much easier for them than for us, and poker has replaced “Chutes and Ladders.”

Christians make a mistake by following the Pope’s lead to “un-Jewish” Christianity. After all, Christianity is simply a Jewish sect. The feasts of the Jews can be a great introduction to our faith.

There is a great article about it here.

For us Rosh Hashanah (and the time before and after) is a time when we look at our lives and our faith, carefully examining our direction and actions, culminating in a fast of repentance and redirection on Yom Kippur.

I believe Jesus was likely born on Rosh Hashana and that the second coming will be announced with the Shofar (trumpet) blasts on the final Rosh Hashana. So at Rosh Hashana we focus also on forgiveness and grace from God to us and from us to others. So if you’ve wronged me now is a good time to hit me up for some forgiveness.

I used the word “redirection” because Rosh Hashana is not just about the negative things in our lives, it’s also about new beginnings and grasping a direction for the coming year where we can have whole-life prosperity. That fits well with what I have been doing for the last few weeks (figuring out the next stage of my career) as well as thinking about where we want to live, what kind of house we want/need and what of our “stuff” needs to go.

Whether you are a Christian, a Jew, an atheist or any other faith, you may find it’s helpful to take an hour or more to consider the direction your life is taking.

Sometime over the next week I will put up a download for a Christian Yom Kippur meditation guide our family has used for years in case anyone wants to join us.