Islam is ICKY. Meet Tom and Bill, Warriors for Christ

Over at the Sanctification blog I met Tom and Bill.

Tom and Bill are a couple of God’s warriors who know all about evil Islam and how all the little brown skinned Muslims just need to give up their religion of hate and intolerance and adopt their Christian religion. After all, Christianity doesn’t teach violence, intolerance or hate.

Yeah Jesus!

Anyway, I took time to comment on one of the posts and immediately my commitment to Christ was challenged. Luckily I am so full of the Holy Spirit I went immediately into a trance and God gave me this inspired response. Enjoy:

Bill:

Where does your version of Christianity come from?

I’m still using ChristOS 98. I know, I know, but I haven’t had time to do the upgrade and now I hear ChristVista is full of bugs so I’m going to wait until they work out the kinks to get the upgrade.

Are you running ChristVista? Or are you still running ChristXP?

Have you ever read anything Jesus said?

No, I can’t read, but Jesus comes to me every night and teaches me by candlelight everything I need to know. Just like Lincoln.

Wanna hear some of my favorite verses?

Here is a selection from Matthew 23

3Dnot do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them….

10Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. 11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

13″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to….

15″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are….

23″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

Really, I like the whole chapter. You see, I know I’m evil. Your problem is you don’t know how truly evil you are. You demonstrate by your very questions that you have no clue how evil you are.

Embrace your inner evil. Only then will you be able to be set free.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (Matthew 5:21-22). Also, if you don’t love your brother, the Bible says you abide in death, and you’re a child of the devil (1 John 3:10, 3:14).

I never called you guys fools. I called you idiots. By definition an idiot is a person of inferior intelligence. That’s you guys. I could have called your ignoramuses and been accurate.

But fools you are.

I tell you this because I love you enough to tell you the truth. Who is a fool Biblically? Let’s see, just from Proverbs 1:

“fools despise wisdom and discipline.” – Pro 1:7

You see, when you start making pronouncements about Islam without even knowing the basics, you show yourself as a fool. But there’s more…

“For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them” – Prov 1:32

OK, I know you guys don’t have a good edumacation, so I need to define the big word up there. “Complacency” is when you are satisfied with your level of ignorance.

That’s where you are: Don’t try to learn anything about Islam or even the Bible, just perpetuate the ignorance you have been taught.

I do find it interesting your response to me is to claim I am going to the realm of toasty warmth because I don’t love you. And I’ll bet the irony of that is completely lost on you.

Are you born again?

I am bored again.

Tell me, oh wise ones, what is the evidence of “rebirth”? I understand what J to the C was telling to Nick, but I don’t think you have a clue. What is it that makes one born again, do you know?

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:04 pm Said:

You have referred to yourself as a follower of Christ. Please share with us your Christian background. What denomination do you belong to? Do you attend church each week?

I don’t go to church, I am the church.

But before I go on, what does my spiritual orientation have to do with truth? Otherwise, if you are wrong and I point it out and I meet all your Christian check list points, then you’ll know you’re wrong? Or are you looking for a reason to dismiss truth by deciding I can’t be right because I am not the right kind of Christian?

How do you believe a person gets to Heaven? Do you think Jesus is the only way to Heaven?

I’ll answer you the way Jesus answered those who wished to condemn him: Ted Haggard: Was he sent from God or man?

I don’t mean to be rude but I am having my doubts about your understanding of the Christ you claim to follow.

That is extremely rude and pretty much off topic. And you did mean to be rude. That’s OK, I have noticed Christians lose their manners pretty quickly when someone disagrees.

Again, what does truth have to do with my understanding of Christ? If the things I am saying are true, then they are true.

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:11 pm Said:

Bill,

I appreciate you stepping in and making this a tag team match instead of a 2 on 1 handicap match. Keep up the good fight.

Count it all as persecution when people point out your stupidity. The good news is that I will post this at my blog so you will get lots of traffic. Sure, it will be point and laugh traffic, but again think of the rewards.

TGI Fundys

Answers in Genesis Announces Winners of Its Fiction Essay Contest

Here is a great blog post with details:

http://zenoferox.blogspot.com/2007/08/spanking-creationists-again.html

Let’s Get Woman Back Into the Kitchen Where They Belong

Southern Baptist Seminary thinks the best way to help the family is to have a homemaking course—and then making it available only to women. It sounds like a good idea: Teach patriarchy and submission and these women will be more pleasing to God.

http://www.baptiststandard.com/postnuke/index.php?module=htmlpages&func=display&pid=6639

Because He Couldn’t Drive to Rome

Thomas Nursey was mad at God so he did the only logical thing he could: He drove his pickup truck into the St. Anastasia Catholic Church. Turns out God wasn’t there at the time so God remains uninjured, but doubting Thomas has found a new home at the St John’s Correctional Facility.

http://www.local6.com/news/13895251/detail.html

Ted Haggard Needs Your Help

Teddy wants to start a new ministry and he’s looking for your money to do it. He’s attending the university of Phoenix, and can’t make enough money. But after two years he will graduate and he plans to start the Phoenix Dream Center. Here’s a quote from a letter he sent to a Colorado ABC affiliate:

It looks as though it will take two years for us to have adequate earning power again, so we are looking for people who will help us monthly for two years. During that time we will continue as full time students, and then, when I graduate, we won’t need outside support any longer.

But for the next two years, we will need support. Between now and the end of the year, we have to find the people who want to help us transition into our future. So I am starting today to let friends like you know that we are raising money for support as we move into the Phoenix Dream Center.

Of course he didn’t put into the letter that he still owns his $700,000 house in Colorado Springs.

http://www.queerty.com/news/ted-haggard-wants-your-dough-20070823/

Homeschoolers Can Be Fun [PIC - Not Safe for Work or Most Homeschoolers]

I recently stole an article from Doc, a cool homeschooler.

Sam, another apparently cool homeschooler wrote in to take issue with my assumption that most homeschoolers are fundamentalist whackos.

So I got to thinking: Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe many of those homeschoolers are just like me. Always wanting to get to the bottom of a story, I did some research.

That’s when I found this (NOTE TO KRIS - This is NOT Safe for You or for Work! Though I’ll bet you will laugh when you look at it. I won’t tell. NOTE TO JANIEBELLE: You’ll love this. In fact, you are probably in it.):

(Don’t click the image, it just gets bigger…)

Obviously I was wrong about homeschoolers.

I wonder if this is available from ABeka?

Shame, Self-Condemnation and Porn: Meet Mark Jr.

Over at Fundies Say the Dardest Things back in April my good friend and sometime mentor SatisfiedHousewife got her own little post. Mark Jr., owner/operator of I See It Differently blog this week made a comment directed to me (scroll down at FSTDT to see it.) And little Markie DOES see it differently.

I’m going to walk you lucky readers through his comment and see if we can explore the shallows of his mind. His comments are in italics and mine are, of course, in BOLD, cause that’s the way I roll.

You don’t go to hell for not subscribing to a religion. You go to hell for being a lawbreaker and violating God’s law.

Actually if there is a “hell” (other than the grave—the most common meaning of the word in the KJV) you “go” there because you are not one of God’s children. Since everyone by the Biblical definition is a lawbreaker, then, by your simple definition, everyone is destined for hell.

And, whether you want to call is a religion or not, then you go to hell for not subscribing to a system of belief (religion).

You lie, steal, murder (hate in the heart and unjustified anger), commit adultery (lusting after others), make a false god (”MY god would never make a hell”), take His name in vain, and many other ways. You do it every time knowing it’s wrong, so you’re crime is sinning with knowledge that it’s wrong. Violating conscience (con=with, science=knowledge) means you sin with knowledge. This is the problem, not a lack of subscription to a religion.

Hmmm…have you been reading my diary? Last time I checked I haven’t done any of those things nor have I said I have—and it is only a sin to lust after a woman who is married to someone else. Look it up. Personally I have been cruising Match.com, cause “it’s OK to look.”
Taking God’s name in vain. Do you have any clue what that means? Give it some study, cause it has nothing to do with cursing.

Jesus talked more about hell than heaven. Don’t believe me, look for yourself. He warned repeatedly and told us how to avoid it.

The word “hell” appears a grand total of 12 times in the Gospels. The word “heaven” appears 138 times. Don’t believe me, look for yourself. Are you so full of self-condemnation you can’t see this simple truth? Seems like it.

He didn’t start a religion, He opened up a way of life that brings you His salvation, which because of your purposeful sin against him, you need.

This is why non-Christians think you’re silly Mark. By ANY neutral definition of religion, Jesus (or at least the apostles) started a religion. I can’t understand why that concept escapes you. Any system of belief practiced by adherents is, by definition, a religion.
But let me flip the question back to you—if he didn’t start a religion, what did he start? (remember to use “real” not “pretend” definitions…)

Her quote wasn’t even given it’s context, so Mr. Whore is being deceitful and performing his lovely slanted journalism. That’s cowardly. You make it sound as if she just showed up one day and said that and left. Stupid.

Actually it’s Mr. Church. I am the church.

I’m having trouble seeing how the context of her quote in any way changes what she wrote.
Please explain my deceit and stupidity. I mean, unlike you, I know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, “its” and “it’s.” Unlike you I didn’t take 2 years to figure out the whole prophetic/Toronto/etc. movements were bogus. Unlike you I wasn’t deceived into drugs.

[Note to non-Marks: Check out Mark's about page for reference here.]

Maybe you’re right; maybe I am stupid and set out to deceive people. Then again, maybe I am trying with all my heart to get people inside the Church to leave behind the crap and start being little Christs. (Just like the one on the dashboard only more “lifey”)

You see Markie-poo, I know I’m evil. More evil than you can comprehend. The reason you can’t comprehend how impossibly evil I am is because you are unable to see how impossibly evil you are. The reason I picked on Satisfied and you is because though you are blind you claim to see—and attempt to instruct others.

Now at this point you will say, “No, I know how evil I am.” I’ve read your blog. You have no clue. Not a clue. You don’t even comprehend how much of what you do is still driven by ungodly shame and fear rather than commitment to Christ.

It will be a while before you understand that, but file it away.

And you know what? She’s right. He loved Hitler and Mousolini (spelled right?) and Pol Pot. He loved Judas.

God says there are people he hates. Look it up. I don’t know that he loved Hitler, Mussolini (I might be stupid, but I can spell that one) or Judas. You get a gold star if you can come up with a list of people in the Bible God says He hates.

His love is available to all, but not many are taking it because it requires your whole life and who wants to lay that down?

Me for one. I guess that concept, again, is lost on you. Stop judging by uninformed appearance.

You’d rather spank your monkey to porn than ask Him for the grace that will set you free from your sin.

Um, where did I say I even OWN a monkey? And if I had one, why would I spank it? And what does that have to do with porn?

[Takes trip to Urban Dictionary]

Oh, I get it. Masturbate. I do masturbate. So do you. So does every guy you know with a healthy libido. But I don’t spank my monkey to porn.

This is an interesting insight on the inner workings of your brain. Of all the potential sins you could have picked, your first choice is to go to porn inspired masturbation. We already know you masturbate—for you are the two inseparable? Is Jesus too weak in your life to free you from the need for those images?

Keep in mind you brought it up.

It’s your choice and your fault, not His. Everything that can be done for you HAS been done. Your in jail with a bail bondsman waiting to bail you out, but you won’t call him. He’s the lawyer who can represent you before the Judgment Bar and get you aquited, but you won’t call Him.

You have a spell checker but won’t use it.

His price isn’t church attendance or money in the plate or charity donations of feeding homeless people. It’s your life. It’s a trade off: your defiled life in exchange for His pure life AND the desire, power and ability to keep it clean. And when you screw up, He’s still there with mercy to forgive.

You just made a post on your blog about how you were sinning by not doing what your employer asked you to do. You did it for 3 months. Where was the Holy Spirit for those 3 months? Where was your purity? Where was your honesty? For those 3 months did Jesus not have the power to keep your life clean?

And I know His price isn’t church attendance, so I don’t go. It’s not money in the plate, so I don’t give to church organizations. It’s not feeding homeless people, I think it’s giving them a home. (Get it, they’re HOMELESS not HUNGRY. Get it?)

So, WC, be fair next time you quote someone instead of this slanted journalism bull crap you pulled off here. And give everyone the FULL truth, not just the happy and warm fuzzy parts. With all the love, mercy and joys there are many tough and demanding things to reckon with as well.

My Bible must be wrong. Maybe I’ve got a misprint. I thought once I learned to work under Jesus’ “yoke” I would find his yoke was easy and burden light? I thought I had already met all the righteous requirements of the law? I thought I was just a bunch of rearranged dust and God never forgets that? I thought all I needed to do was do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God?

What Bible do you have? Maybe you could send me a copy.

Or maybe you’ve inhaled a bit too much bug killer.

Basically, quit preaching a swiss cheese gospel (full of holes).

Wow, that’s for explaining what you meant by “swiss [sic] cheese,” because I thought at first as Peter was the apostle to the Jews and Paul to the Gentiles, I might be the apostle to the cheese.

But then again, Swiss cheese doesn’t need salvation because Swiss cheese is holy.

Falwell in Hell? (Video)

This is the best, non-apologetic critique of Falwell I have seen:

Tip of the Pointy Pope Hat to:

JanieBelle and Big Dumb Chimp