Supply Side Jesus

A Comic Strip Even Joyce Meyer Supporters Will Love (click to begin…):

(From Beliefnet.com)

Islam is ICKY. Meet Tom and Bill, Warriors for Christ

Over at the Sanctification blog I met Tom and Bill.

Tom and Bill are a couple of God’s warriors who know all about evil Islam and how all the little brown skinned Muslims just need to give up their religion of hate and intolerance and adopt their Christian religion. After all, Christianity doesn’t teach violence, intolerance or hate.

Yeah Jesus!

Anyway, I took time to comment on one of the posts and immediately my commitment to Christ was challenged. Luckily I am so full of the Holy Spirit I went immediately into a trance and God gave me this inspired response. Enjoy:

Bill:

Where does your version of Christianity come from?

I’m still using ChristOS 98. I know, I know, but I haven’t had time to do the upgrade and now I hear ChristVista is full of bugs so I’m going to wait until they work out the kinks to get the upgrade.

Are you running ChristVista? Or are you still running ChristXP?

Have you ever read anything Jesus said?

No, I can’t read, but Jesus comes to me every night and teaches me by candlelight everything I need to know. Just like Lincoln.

Wanna hear some of my favorite verses?

Here is a selection from Matthew 23

3Dnot do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them….

10Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. 11The greatest among you will be your servant. 12For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

13″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to….

15″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are….

23″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

Really, I like the whole chapter. You see, I know I’m evil. Your problem is you don’t know how truly evil you are. You demonstrate by your very questions that you have no clue how evil you are.

Embrace your inner evil. Only then will you be able to be set free.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (Matthew 5:21-22). Also, if you don’t love your brother, the Bible says you abide in death, and you’re a child of the devil (1 John 3:10, 3:14).

I never called you guys fools. I called you idiots. By definition an idiot is a person of inferior intelligence. That’s you guys. I could have called your ignoramuses and been accurate.

But fools you are.

I tell you this because I love you enough to tell you the truth. Who is a fool Biblically? Let’s see, just from Proverbs 1:

“fools despise wisdom and discipline.” – Pro 1:7

You see, when you start making pronouncements about Islam without even knowing the basics, you show yourself as a fool. But there’s more…

“For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them” – Prov 1:32

OK, I know you guys don’t have a good edumacation, so I need to define the big word up there. “Complacency” is when you are satisfied with your level of ignorance.

That’s where you are: Don’t try to learn anything about Islam or even the Bible, just perpetuate the ignorance you have been taught.

I do find it interesting your response to me is to claim I am going to the realm of toasty warmth because I don’t love you. And I’ll bet the irony of that is completely lost on you.

Are you born again?

I am bored again.

Tell me, oh wise ones, what is the evidence of “rebirth”? I understand what J to the C was telling to Nick, but I don’t think you have a clue. What is it that makes one born again, do you know?

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:04 pm Said:

You have referred to yourself as a follower of Christ. Please share with us your Christian background. What denomination do you belong to? Do you attend church each week?

I don’t go to church, I am the church.

But before I go on, what does my spiritual orientation have to do with truth? Otherwise, if you are wrong and I point it out and I meet all your Christian check list points, then you’ll know you’re wrong? Or are you looking for a reason to dismiss truth by deciding I can’t be right because I am not the right kind of Christian?

How do you believe a person gets to Heaven? Do you think Jesus is the only way to Heaven?

I’ll answer you the way Jesus answered those who wished to condemn him: Ted Haggard: Was he sent from God or man?

I don’t mean to be rude but I am having my doubts about your understanding of the Christ you claim to follow.

That is extremely rude and pretty much off topic. And you did mean to be rude. That’s OK, I have noticed Christians lose their manners pretty quickly when someone disagrees.

Again, what does truth have to do with my understanding of Christ? If the things I am saying are true, then they are true.

Tom, on September 17th, 2007 at 10:11 pm Said:

Bill,

I appreciate you stepping in and making this a tag team match instead of a 2 on 1 handicap match. Keep up the good fight.

Count it all as persecution when people point out your stupidity. The good news is that I will post this at my blog so you will get lots of traffic. Sure, it will be point and laugh traffic, but again think of the rewards.

Kathy Griffin and Suck it Jesus

This is going to be an offensive post. You will be offended. You will be wrong. By the end of reading this post–unless you are an ignorant, inflexible bigot–you will see the wisdom I am so kindly going to provide for you.

I’m generous like that.

This week comedian Kathy Griffin won an emmy for her television show “My Life on the D-List.” Good for her. She has demonstrated marketing savvy that has brought her from stand-up, to supporting role in a weekly sitcom, to the very pinnacle of comedy success. She’s got fame and money.

She’s got brains, looks and a sense of humor. (Of course I said she has looks–you do realize I have a weakness for petite curly redheads, right?)

In accepting her award she made a joke about how everyone thanks Jesus for their success. She went on to say Jesus didn’t have anything to do with HER winning. She ended by thrusting the award to the sky and taunting “Suck it Jesus!”

Funny? Maybe. Comedy often operates at an edge between acceptable and profane. I know many at this blog would have found it pretty funny.

But many Christians had their delicate sensibilities offended and loudly complained.

In response to the outrage, the E! network decided to edit out the comment when it aired a tape of the show.

Now the non-Christians and moderates complained. “Censorship” they cried. “How dare someone try to put a muzzle on free speech? This is un-American.”

You probably fall into one of the two camps. If so, you’re wrong.

This is only about money.

Kathy is a commodity. She is an entertainer. She will make money as long as people want to pay to hear her say the things she says and do the things she does. When people no longer want to pay for her comedy, she’s done making money.

E! is also a commodity. As long as people watch, they can sell advertising and make money. But if groups like the A-fuckin’-A threaten advertisers with boycotts, advertisers cancel their sponsorships. E! was smart enough to realize that.

Kathy, you, me and E! all have the right to say whatever we want. But if we engage in unpopular speech it may cost us. That’s not censorship, that’s just business.

So suck it…up.




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Picture from Queerty.com

D. James Kennedy Quotes

Rob Boston compiled a list of D. James Kennedy quotes here.

Are TV preacher D. James Kennedy’s views extreme? Judge for yourself. Here is a sampling of opinions taken from his 1994 book, Character & Destiny: A Nation In Search of Its Soul (written with Jim Nelson Black):

The Culture War

“Christians did not start the culture war but…we are going to end it. That is a fact, and the Bible assures us of victory.” (p. 76)

Deliberately Deceitful Educators

“Not all the educators in our public schools and universities are deliberately deceitful, not all of them want to destroy this nation, but many do. The major teachers’ unions certainly do.” (p. 75)

The United States: A Christian Nation

“But the fact is, the United States of America was conceived and brought forth by Christians, and history tells us that story in no uncertain terms….Anyone who reads about the values upon which this nation was founded understands perfectly well that this was, from the start, a Christian nation.” (p. 71)

Ten Thousand Communist Professors

“Just a few years ago, there were as many as ten thousand Communist professors in American universities. The average person never saw any of them, and many would doubt the truth of that statistic. But I can assure you it is true.” (p. 63)

Secular Sinners

“Modern secularists and agnostics do not want to admit that the Christian religion is true, because that would mean that they are sinners; and they have no intention of giving up their right to sin.” (p. 46)

Public School Immorality

“Teachers in many of our public schools have acceded to the policies of the liberal teachers’ unions to make sure that students from kindergarten through high school will be stripped of any sense of moral or ethical absolutes. Right and wrong are non-issues in our public schools.” (p.260)

Evolution: Into The Slime

“Every new advance and every step taken by science confirm not evolution but the Genesis account of creation. Yet evolution still continues to be taught as fact….Thus, the honorable place that had been given to human beings by God is surreptitiously aborted, and they are dragged down into the slime.” (p. 17

Dismantling The Wall Of Separation

“If we are committed and involved in taking back the nation for Christian moral values, and if we are willing to risk the scorn of the secular media and the bureaucracy that stand against us, there is no doubt we can witness the dismantling of not just the Berlin Wall but the even more diabolical ‘wall of separation’ that has led to increasing secularization, godlessness, immorality, and corruption in our country.” (p. 126-127)

Engaging The Enemy

“God forbid that we who were born into the blessings of a Christian America should let our patrimony slip like sand through our fingers and leave to our children the bleached bones of a godless secular society. But whatever the outcome, one thing is certain: God has called us to engage the enemy in this culture war. That is our challenge today.” (p. 91)

No Power On Earth Can Stop Us

“This is our land. This is our world. This is our heritage, and with God’s help, we shall reclaim this nation for Jesus Christ. And no power on earth can stop us.” (p. 85)

Reclaiming America For Christ

“How much more forcefully can I say it? The time has come, and it is long overdue, when Christians and conservatives and all men and women who believe in the birthright of freedom must rise up and reclaim America for Jesus Christ.” (p. 80)

Biblical Sexual Standards

There are many Christians who struggle to figure out what types of sexual conduct are proper and holy and which are not.

Thankfully there is a site that breaks down sexual behavior with clear Biblical scriptures.

Here are some of the things you will discover there:

• Anal sex is a great alternative to vaginal sex if you are saving yourself for marriage.
• Swallowing is not optional but mandated.
• A strong erection is a gift from God.
• Threesomes are perfectly acceptable.
• Masturbation is God’s gift to us.
• How Christian porn can glorify God by edifying the Body.
• The place of BDSM in a Christian marriage.

While I would like to write a commentary on the things stated on the site, it speaks pretty well for itself. Just keep in mind this site uses scripture in exactly the same way thousands and thousands of conservative Christian sites do.

Enjoy.

Tip of the Mitre to Janie Belle at UDOJ for the comment that alerted me to this important Biblical study.