Bringing the Magic Baby
January 18, 2008 by WhoreChurchMy youngest took a picture of my new “office space” this past weekend, so I thought I would show you were I make the magic that is Whore Church:
That’s it, my little corner of the world wide web.
Here is a guide to what you see on and around my desk:
- 13″ color TV so I can indulge in my love of
Robin MeadeHeadline News. The box beneath the TV is the cable box that allows me to get illegal Bosnian midget clown porn. - Nifty little pen and pad mouse so I can draw pretty pictures on my computer.
- Printer that uses a special light beam I invented called a “Laser”.
- The slightly damaged laptop made famous by my youngest son. He still is banished from my office area.
- Wrap around sunglasses for when I am writing really extra-cool posts.
- Cheap speakers I got for free to replace the ones I bought from Dell which no longer work. These are usually jamming to Barenaked Ladies. (No Mom, not that kind. It’s a band.)
- Picture of me and my eldest in the dugout during High School baseball playoffs his senior year. They lost and I didn’t let him out of his closet for a week to teach him a lesson.
- Picture of my dad and mom in Alaska. Unfortunately they came home. I mean, uh, it was so nice to have them back.
- Desktop picture of my redhead. Don’t tell her about the Robin Meade joke above.
- Picture of me and my redhead as we moved back to Cincy 25 years ago for me to return to Fundy U. I had hair and was skinny. My redhead hasn’t changed. You can tell her I said that.
- Picture of my youngest–probably from 8th grade or so. He won’t let me have any newer pictures where people can see them. He thinks his hair looks funny. I agree.
- Dr. Evil Coffee Mug with extra strength java.
- Ergonomically designed, fart deadening, three way adjustable rolling office chair–designed for older men with bad backs. I chose not to get the optional hemerrhoid cushion.
- Dell XPS 4800 with AI. This advanced computer is not available to the general public but as a valued Dell customer I was sent one to Beta test. It has a 10 terabyte hard drive, 5 gigabytes of SD Ram, Instant Backup, Forest Firewall, Wireless Internet, Encrypted Satellite Access to the secure government intranet and the artificial intelligence is learning to write my posts for me.
- This is where I put the letters George Bush keeps sending me asking for advice. He can’t figure out “electronical mails”, “internets” or “the Google.”
- Bible, prayer book and prayer cards. I have to cover up this cubbyhole when I visit porn sites.
- Wireless mouse that is completely controlled by my thoughts. Only I have to think in Russian. Just like Clint Eastwood (a special prize to anyone who gets that reference.)
- Keyboard. I had this custom made to include not only the standard ASCII keys, but also keys I can use to write in tongues and to type Prince’s unspeakable name.
- This drawer contains all the mysteries of the universe. No one is allowed to open it unless their name is Pandora. Or they’re a really hot red head.
- A little man lives in this cubby. He flosses my teeth while I write using the cutest little mini-rope. I feed him Cheetos and call him Mr. Handypants.
